i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter

This is a very sad mentality. To think oneself more important than that of progeny is the sign of a failed human life.

so the wiggles concert wasn’t as good as you thought it would be huh

Oh sis, you’re so sad you’re making me sad.

Sad little waitress at the gd Perkins (read: the last resort for dinner after a terribly long play) is just killing me.

Upon us requesting a club soda to drink, she stared blankly and suggested a “sprite” as “probably the closest thing she has.” And then said, “I ain’t never tried that before.”

"I ain’t never." I cannot.

Then she tried so hard to initiate a conversation with us. “Y’all been to the fair?” We didn’t even look up and said a cold, monotonous “no.” in unison.

I think she picked up on out assholeyness, because she just threw a handful of coffee creamers on the table as she stormed past.

Get me the fuck out of here.